biblical plural marriage

What do you tell a person who has been living happily in a polygynous relationship as the second wife, has two small children, and now all of a sudden has to separate from her husband and sister wife because the hitherto happy family has realized, no doubt with the help of their Christian friends, that polygamy is wrong ?   The family wonders about moving to a place where wife #2 can live in a house or apartment of her own yet close to her former husband and sister wife so that the children still have both parents to grow up with and the poor second wife does not lose her husband’s and sister wife’s friendship because they are all really close.  But doing this of course would still pose a danger in their Christian friends’ opinion because who knows, they might be falling back into their terribly sinful polygamous lifestyle if the second wife does not take her children and move away and have her husband pay to support her and the kids from afar.

What would you tell wife #2 ?  What would you tell her husband ?  What would you tell the Christian “friends” who advise them ?

Well, I have advice for them all.

To the wife I would say:  Rejoice, there is nothing wrong with your marriage.  Return to your husband and sister wife and be happy and may Yahweh bless you with many more children.

To the husband I would say: Rejoice, take your two wives and be happy, and repent from the sinful idea of putting away your second wife.  Also, get rid of those so called friends who told you polygamy was wrong. They are of their father, the devil.

To the Christan friends I would say: Leave the poor family alone !  Your advice is wicked and ungodly, it creates pain rather than relieving it, it robs a wife of her rightful husband, and children of their father.  Keep your false teaching to yourselves and stop looking for biblical wisdom that helps you to argue against polygamy – there is no such thing because the bible tells you that polygamy is marriage, nothing more, nothing less.  Stay out of other people’s lives since you do not have biblical wisdom to offer, but only the adversary’s lies.

I set up a new blog today titled “Sister, Where Art Thou ?”.  If you are interested in  knowing more about us, possibly thinking about joining our family even, Sister, Where Art Thou ? is the place to go.  You will find information about us, like what is most important for us, what life looks like, what our goals are.  Enjoy your stay, and come back often

We have been pondering survival in many ways over the past year or so, and on several of our sites, but very recently thought it might be an interesting topic for our esteemed readers of Joshuah’s House too.  So we wrote a little bit about the basics of survival (Survive !) and also about polygyny in this particular context (Polygyny as a Tool of Survival).

Enjoy.

The bible is very clear about right and wrong. God is explicit about what He likes and what He hates (see for example Exo 20:5-6, Deu 12:28-31, or Pro 6:16-19), about what we are supposed to do (Exo 20 and following chapters, for example), and about the rewards or punishments for our actions (for a general overview, see the blessings and curses of Deu 28).

If a person in the bible is punished or destroyed, there is no doubt about the why – Scripture tells us the reason. Pharaoh and his whole army are destroyed because God wants to make it absolutely clear that it is He, not Pharaoh, who frees the Israelites from Egyptian bondage (Exo 14:18). Moses does not enter the promised land because he did not follow God’s instructions exactly as he was told (Num 20:7-12). Onan is killed by God because he does not fulfill the duty laid upon him by the regulations for Levirate marriage and refuses to father an heir for his late brother (Gen 38:8-10). David is punished for adultery and murder by proxy after he impregnated the wife of Uriah, the Hittite (2 Sam 12:7-14). These are just a few examples: We are never left in the dark about the reasons for punishment, and since God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts (Isa 55:8), we do well to rely on what the bible reveals about God’s reasons instead of speculating about possible reasons for this, that or the other.

Given this fact, what really amazes me is that while many people would agree to what I just stated, when it comes to God’s ideas about marriage, they would rely precisely on said speculation. People would claim that, while Scripture does not condemn polygamy, it still favors monogamy, not outspokenly so, but one could clearly tell by looking at the marriages we find portrayed in the bible. They would point out that polygamy causes strive, that the husbands are “harangued” and the wives rivals, and that exemplary marriages are always monogamous. So from all this one could infer, they argue, that polygamy is sinful whereas monogamy is what God wants. Hmmmm…

Like I just said, God tells us, in Scripture, what He wants and what He does not want. In terms of polygamy, He never punishes anyone for polygamy, and if there is strive, it is because husbands fail to do what God told them to do. In Rachel’s and Hannah’s case, for example, their husbands favor them over the other wive(s), which is why they are barren (Gen 29:30-31 and 1 Sam 1:1-6) – God explicitly tells husbands not to diminish the rights of one wife if another wife is taken (Exo 21:10), so having a barren wife is the punishment for failing to follow God’s rules in this regard.

If you pick up your bible and read it, cover to cover, you will not come away with the idea that there are different forms of marriages, one good, one bad, but you will find that as far as Scripture is concerned, marriage can be a man and one wife just as well as a man and more than one wife. Everything the bible says about marriage (and divorce) is said about both monogamous and polygamous commitments, Scripture does not make a difference between the two. Bible scholars do, Christianity does, but Scripture doesn’t.

We should let Scripture shape our world view instead of allowing our modern world view to cloud our view of Scripture.

When it comes to the biblical concept of love, here too, like always, we need to let God define His terms and not Noah Webster or any other dictionary author. To love God means to keep his commandments (Joh 14:15), to love the brethren means to follow God’s commandments concerning the community, and to put the evil away from among the brethren if necessary – again, a concept of responsibility, by the way.

Loving the brethren means not to murder and not to steal, not to covet and not to bear false witness, not to commit adultery and not to forget your parents (the concept of a multi-generational family, incidentally). Not to murder includes protecting the brethren from a potential murderer, not to steal means also protecting the community from a potential thief and so on and so forth, so the commandments point to the bigger picture of you not doing these things PLUS doing your bit to prevent these things from happening in the community.

Where is the romance in this ? The main aspect of love in the bible is loving God and keeping His commandments, which includes caring for the safety of the brethren, and mainly describes taking responsibility as God commands, both within a marriage and within the community.

In the bible you find plural marriage not only to be a common and accepted form of marriage, but also a protected one. The biblical definition of “marriage” is not “one man one women”, but “becoming one flesh” (Gen 2:24), and since according to Paul you can become one flesh with a whore (1 Co 6:16), it is by no means restricted to “one man one woman as such”, but to “one man one woman at a time”. The point about marriage in the bible is that it is a lifelong commitment, a lifelong responsibility, and it is formed by the act of becoming one flesh – no church, no state necessary. By sleeping with someone, you marry him or her. That’s the biblical concept of marriage, it is as simple as that.

If polygamy was sin, why would God tell David through the prophet Nathan that He has not only given him his predecessor’s wives into his arms, but would also have given him more if that was not enough? But David had to run off and sleep with a married woman (adultery = sleeping with a married woman, the marital status of the man does not figure into the definition), and then kill her husband by proxy (murder) – see 2 Sam 12:8.

If polygamy was sin, why would a man be required to take his widowed sister in law and produce offspring with her in order to provide an heir for his untimely deceased brother, no matter if he was married already or not (Deu 15:5-10) ? This, by the way, is also contrary to the common incest laws.

If polygamy was sin, why would the law of Moses specifically provide for the first wife and protect her from being cast aside for a ‘younger model’, as man in his fallen state is prone to do (Exo 21:10)?

If polygamy was sin, why would Jesus portray himself as the bridegroom to ten virgins, five of which proved themselves to be unprepared and therefore unworthy (Mat 25:1-13)?

And if polygamy was sin, why would God portray Himself as the husband of two wives to make His point about the idolatrous nature of His people (Eze 23)?

Marriage, according to Scripture, can be either polygamous or monogamous.  The important bit about marriage, however, is that it is a lifelong commitment, a covenant not to be broken by man – the only exception being the woman committing adultery (Deu 24:1, Mat 19:9). Adultery and whoremongery are sexual relationships outside this marriage relationship, not inside of it. You cannot commit adultery with you own wife, or be a whoremonger with your own wife. That’s why the marriage bed of a polygamist is undefiled (Heb 13:4).

Let’s continue where we left off last time we talked about marriage, and elaborate a little on what Scripture has to say about marriage.

Like we said, to read romantic notions of marriage, i.e. exclusivity between one man and one women into biblical marriage is to insert a secular, romanticized concept into the bible that is simply not there.

If you want to point to the “Song of Solomon” for notions of romantic love, please remember who Solomon was and how many wives he loved – and yes, he sinned in not listening to the commandment not to multiply wives to himself as the king (Deu 17:17), and in marrying foreign wives who turned out to be a snare to him with their foreign religions (1 Kings 11:1-6). And Jesus came through this line, came through people like Abraham and Jacob, through the union of Judah and Tamar, David and Bath Sheba, Uriah’s widow, all of whom were people who in some way or another lived in a polygamous relationship, or in the case of Judah and Tamar, had issues with the Levirate marriage commandment – check it out in Matthew 1 and the respective chapters in Genesis, 2 Samuel and 1 Kings.

If you want to point to Paul talking about letting every man have his own wife and every women her own husband (1 Cor 7:2) to prove that Paul advocates monogamy, please look at the two different Greek words translated as “own” here and you will find that they both pertain to the man, that both state possession from the man’s perspective – her “own” husband is her “proper” husband, the husband that properly possesses her, just as his “own” wife, “own” being a reflexive pronoun here, is the wife that he possesses, that belongs to him, that he is responsible for. If you look at the language, this verse is not a verse pointing to exclusivity with regards to how many wives a man can have, but rather to a woman belonging to one man alone, thus pointing to the responsibility on the part of the man, but doesn’t indicate quantity when it comes to wives.

Besides, the context in 1 Co 7:2 indicates the reason for marriage in the first place: to avoid fornication. Men have to take responsibility for every woman they sleep with for by sleeping with a woman, a man makes her his wife. Even in today’s world, by the way – a marriage that is not consummated is not a valid marriage in court, but could be dissolved based on the fact that it was never consummated, since it can legally be considered null and void. So the biblical standard is kept up here in this regard.

The bible uses no specific term for polygamous relationships, but simply calls having a wife or more than one wife “marriage” – and whenever “marriage” is mentioned in the bible, it refers to the biblical definition of marriage that includes both polygamy and monogamy, and not to a modern day definition of marriage that is based on a romantic concept and a social preference, in our small part of the world, for this romantic ideal.

Someone asks: polygamy is it godly?

Naturally, our position is that indeed a polygamous family is godly…always has been and always will be. In the Scriptures there is no differentiation between monogamy and polygyny. It’s all the same, ie. marriage, and we all know what God has to say about marriage.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9 ESV

A lot of verses in the bible talk about marriage (Heb 13:4, Psa 128:3, Pro 5:15-23, 1 Co 7:2-3), and they are very wonderful verses, stressing the beauty and responsibility of a lifelong commitment made before God and the beauty of people caring for each other in a godly fashion. God protects marriage indeed, it is a godly bond that secures the dominion covenant.

But the conclusion that theses quoted verses prove polygamy to be sinful, adulterous and whoremongery is wrong – here, presuppositions shape theology, and not the other way around. Polygamy, according to the presupposition, is not marriage, so the verses about marriage cannot apply to one man and many wives, but have to apply to one man one wife only. This presupposition is not a biblical, but a romantic concept.

Polygamy, viewed from a biblical perspective, is simply “marriage”. If you look up the word “marriage” and its verb in the Old and New Testament, you will find that the word is related to:

• a contract – “to marry: to give yourself in marriage, to take a wife, to get married” (H2992, G1060),
• a possession – “to possess, to rule over” (H1166),
• conjugal rights, literally, the flesh (H5772b), and
• a ceremony (G1062).

Nowhere is there mentioning of “star-crossed lovers”, a “soul mate”, or the “prince on the white horse”, so to read romantic notions of marriage, to read exclusivity between one man and one women into biblical marriage is to insert a secular, romanticized concept into the bible that is simply not there.

We have a dream of what our Christian plural marriage family will look like, and if you are potentially interested in joining us as a sisterwife, here is what would await you, what you would be a vital, active participant in.

We dream of a big family, up to seven wives and our husband, and a whole lot of children, as many as God might grant us. We hope that our Christian polygamous family will be multi-generational soon, either with old or left-alone parents of the sisterwives to join us, or when our children are old enough and take over what will be prepared for them, so that there can be progress both in Kingdom Building and in the raising of a God fearing, patriarchal, independent, self-sufficient, big polygamous family that

“shall speak with the enemy in the gate” (Ps 127:5).

Read more.

To live a godly life, it is of utmost importance to be removed from today’s society as far as possible (Rev 18:4-5), and to raise our children in God’s way so that they do not have to turn 35 before they realize which choices would have been right, which way they should have taken from the beginning to avoid defiling themselves with uncleanliness, immorality and fornication. (Pro 22:6; Gal 5:19-21) This removed lifestyle is much easier to put into practice as a group of adults than as a couple, for it needs many hands to build the family’s house and premises, to grow all the family’s food, to sew all the family’s clothes, to homeschool all the children, to provide for the old as well as for the young, in short, to build a Christian, godly home.
“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” (Pro 29:18)

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christian polygamy, plural marriage, polygyny

Recently, our activities on various internet discussion groups have prompted us to consider providing an apologetic on the topic of polygamy, or plural marriage. At first I resisted this notion, because several years have already been spent in similar endeavors. I personally studied the topic from a scriptural perspective, and then tested this against the knowledge, wisdom, and opinion of various other people. In the end, I became not just convinced but convicted that, from a biblical perspective, plural marriage is right, and true, and as completely valid a form of marriage as that of monogamy. I also came to understand that, for all the biblical proof that points to this fact, most people will simply refuse to see the truth of it, and fall back on what is now common opinion and ethic, and so I laid a defense of the principle aside and turned more towards the practical aspects of living a polygamous marriage. That was 4 years ago…

As I said, however, our recent activities have prompted us to reconsider providing a defense of Biblical Plural Marriage, and so we will present the case, from a completely scriptural perspective, within the pages that follow. As we go through this together, I want to mention to you and have you keep in mind that we are primarily concerned with defending Biblical Plural Marriage against those of the Christian faith, as they are, first, the most rabid opponents of Biblical Plural Marriage, and second, they would benefit most from a proper understanding of Scripture in every regard, including that of Biblical Plural Marriage. Finally, we have no concern for the opinions of unbelievers and make no attempt to address their concerns here.

Stay tuned for more.